3 Important Keys to Becoming Socially Brilliant
As a Facial Intelligence™ Expert and Master Coach, I know that the key to success in business and personal relationships is to understand how to expertly connect with others. The purpose of Facial Intelligence™ and other communication tools is to make us more socially brilliant; to make us experts at human connecting in order to achieve the outcomes we desire. In essence, our role with each other is very simplistic. For each moment we exist, we have specific outcomes in mind – whether those outcomes are conscious, unconscious or both. When the achievement of the outcome involves others in some capacity, the best way to ensure we meet our goal, is to master tools, techniques and concepts that will give us the best shot at influencing the other to help us achieve our goal. We must become as socially brilliant as we can be. Key Number One: It’s never about you, even when it is about you!
Here’s the thing. People are inherently self-centered. It’s how we are wired. Even when it’s supposed to be about you, it’s never fully just about you. This key is really important to grasp because it is the foundation upon which brilliant connections are made. So, if you are going for a massage or a root canal, yes, there is a component of relief for you, but there is also a component of service or work or monetary gain for the other person. Being aware of AND understanding what the position of the other is in the interaction (that is supposed to be about you) will give you the power to make it all more fully, enjoyably and satisfactorily about you. AND, if it is supposed to be about you and it becomes disproportionately about the other, well then, your awareness of this key will put you in a place of being able to more consciously choose differently. Here is an example. Not too long ago, I decided to hire a trainer to meet some strength goals that I had. Now, I am not unaware of health and fitness objectives, having been certified as a Level One CrossFit Trainer in the past. However, I thought it was time that I sought some help to motivate me further. I sat down with a trainer that came highly recommended. She asked what I wanted and what my goals were. I specifically told her that what I wanted was a plan that would help clean up my meal practices and give me a little more definition in some key areas. I specifically told her that the plan I was looking for had to fit into my very full and complicated lifestyle, being an entrepreneur and single mother of four. I wanted to look forward to meals and exercise because I needed to see them both as fun and helpful, not as torture. (Exercise and meal planning just shouldn’t have to feel like torture, should it?) Well, when I left that initial consult, I felt great. I felt heard and hopeful that this person got me that she would create a program that would add the enjoyment of exercise and healthier meal options back into my busy life. It turns out; the program she designed wasn’t about me at all. It was highly restrictive, time consuming beyond my current capacity and so disheartening. When I asked her for variety and tweaks, it became all about her. How hard she worked on developing the program, her education, her effort, her struggle, her age, her method. I found myself apologizing for believing I could actually have a say in my own journey. Watching the narrative play out and knowing Key Number One, gave me the power to say no to this trainer. If I didn’t see how this flip to being disproportionately about her was not the version of improved fitness that I wanted, I would have believed that this was how it had to be, that fitness for me had to be torture and painful and restrictive. Finding the right trainer, has taught me that it doesn’t have to be that way. Finding someone who it is about her but more about me makes fitness fun again for me. It is important to see the degrees to which others and we need to be important and significant in any social scenario in order to achieve the outcome we want. Key Number Two: The Golden Rule is Fatally Flawed! Building on Key Number One, we come to Key Number Two. I don’t know about you, but as a kid I was always told to “remember the golden rule.” The Golden Rule states that we should do unto others, as we would like to be done unto. Given all that I’ve studied about human interactions, and in particular, Facial Intelligence™, it is clear to me that the Golden Rule is a nice attempt at kindness and compassion, but it is fatally flawed. If you think about it, yes, we absolutely do want to treat people a certain way, but is it really the way we want to be treated? Do you want to be treated the way I do? You’re not me. I love to relax with a good book and a glass of wine at the end of the day. What if you don’t? What if you came home to me and I had that scenario ready for you every night, but all you wanted to do was watch football and have a beer to relax? Would my effort make you happy or disappoint you? I submit it would be the latter. One important key to social brilliance and true connection with others is to begin to change your mindset around the Golden Rule. It is time to start employing a new rule. One that states: Do unto others, as THEY would like to be done unto! That’s right. Treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated. Trust me, your outcomes will be very, very different when you reframe the Golden Rule this way. Key Number Three: Interplanetary Travel is Possible and Necessary! In Key Number Two we talked about reframing the Golden Rule. Once you do that, though, how do you know how someone else wants to be treated? Sometimes the answer is as simple as asking them, but sometimes there are specific tools you can use to learn how to know them while being less overt in your approach. I call this form of knowing and connecting Interplanetary Human Travel. You see we all have a personality profile and a fundamental Archetypal nature. Our features and markings reveal to others and us, not only the proportion to which we resemble each of our parents, but also how we will tend to react and the habits of thoughts, emotions and behaviors we will express. We are all our own individual planets of personality. So if you want to connect better with someone, if you want to employ the upgraded Golden Rule, learn to read and decipher the personality preferences of another from what their face reveals to you. Then you can figure out how to travel to their planet. Step into their world. Understand their view of the situation and how to build resonance and rapport to achieve your desired outcome. If you can expertly and seamlessly travel to their planet, well, then it is that much easier for them to want to travel to yours! Facial Intelligence™ is the most effective bridge to meaningful and lasting connections with others. The key to becoming a more socially brilliant connector is understanding and mastering the unspoken languages of human interaction, no matter what platform you are on. To find out more about how you can learn about Facial Intelligence™ and Social Brilliance, visit us here: At Face Valu Michelle Butt At Face Valu